I am grieving
After a Suicide
Losing someone to suicide can be one of the hardest and most shocking things you have to endure in your life. It is likely to leave you with many unanswered questions and different emotions, including hurt, sadness, helplessness, anger and fear.
It’s important to know that a death by suicide is no one’s fault. People who died by suicide may be trying to stop an unbearable emotional pain inside them, as real as any physical pain.
If you know of other resources which should be included on this page, please let us know at [email protected]
Compassionate support for people of all ages affected by suicide
If someone you care about has died by suicide, you may be feeling overwhelmed, confused, isolated, or unsure where to turn. There is no right way to grieve after suicide, and no single approach that works for everyone.Whether you’re looking for information, practical guidance, support for your child or teen, or opportunities to connect with others who have experienced suicide loss, Tony’s place can help.
Browse support options based on your situation:
Kirsten O’Connor: Talking about Suicide and Grief
In this episode, we’re chatting with Kirsten O’Connor about suicide and grief – and the harm we can cause when we respond with silence.
Kirsten lost her 24 year old daughter, Kahlia, to suicide, and has since been on a discovery of grief – documenting her own experience, exploring the impacts of grief on the brain and body, and helping others to understand grief through authoring books and running grief-focused writing programmes.
She explains why the worst response we can have when someone is grieving – especially after a suicide – is to not talk about it.
find grief support services in your region
Talking to children about suicide
When a loved one dies by suicide, it can be particularly confusing and painful for children (tamariki) and young adults (mātātahi). Kenzie’s Gift has created a supportive guide—“How to Talk to Tamariki About Suicide”—to help parents, caregivers, family and whānau navigate sensitive conversations in a truthful yet compassionate way.
By addressing common questions, offering age-appropriate language, and suggesting practical steps, this resource enables you to approach an emotionally charged topic without fear and ensures children receive the reassurance they need.
In this guide by Kenzie’s Gift, you’ll learn:
- Tips to help you talk about suicide with your tamariki
- Common questions young people may ask and ideas about how to answer them
- Practical ways you can help grieving tamariki
Suicide counselling and support
Find suicide support groups in your region of New Zealand.
Victim Support are available 24 hours a day by phone on 0800 842 846 and offer support to victims of a crime resulting in death and after the suicide of a loved one.
1737 Need to Talk? — Free, confidential support from a trained counsellor, available 24/7. You can call or text 1737. They can provide emotional support and help connect you with local services.
Aoake te Rā, is a free service which offers up to four sessions of free in-person counselling for those affected by suicide loss.
Local postvention services — Many regions have bereavement and postvention support specifically for people affected by suicide. A counsellor at 1737 can help you find services in your area.
Lifeline Aotearoa offers a range of support and counselling services including crisis support, suicide prevention, and bereavement counselling.
Life Matters Suicide Prevention Trust — Provides suicide bereavement and postvention support, including peer-led support and help navigating mental health services.
What happens after a suicide
After a person dies by suicide, a number of organisations are likely to become involved as official processes need to take place by law and this can take some time. Visit our Suicide Info page to find out more about:
- Police investigations
- The coronial process
- Blessing the site where someone has died
- Looking after yourself
- Frequently asked questions