Medical Termination
After learning that their foetus has a foetal abnormality or other serious health problems, some parents make the difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy or induce labour early, knowing that their baby will not survive. Terminating a pregnancy with a baby that was greatly wanted and anticipated can be especially heartbreaking.
What is a medical termination?
The journey to a medical termination often begins with a routine pregnancy check or an amniocentesis. Instead of an ultrasound showing your baby’s sex, you may instead learn that your baby’s condition is incompatible with life. This means parents are sometimes put in the incredibly difficult decision of having to decide whether to end their pregnancy – and their baby’s life early – or carry their baby to term, knowing they won’t survive birth.
In these circumstances, support and advice from medical professionals (maternal fetal medicine specialists, midwives, obstetricians, doctors, maternity social workers) is essential, to fully understand your options. A strong support network of family and friends is also vital, as you come to a decision about your baby following such an unexpected diagnosis. The timing of your baby’s diagnosis can sometimes be an important factor in your decision-making process, but take as much time as you can to seek information and support.
For mothers who choose to continue the pregnancy, it may mean preparing for your baby’s death in utero (in the womb) or soon after birth. There are a number of New Zealand support groups for families facing medical termination of a baby.
Understanding loss through medical abortion
Most medical abortions in New Zealand happen in the first trimester, up to 12 weeks, but abortion services are available up to 20 weeks’ gestation. After 20 weeks, abortion is still possible but needs the involvement of a specialist, for example, in the case of foetal abnormality terminations. Speak to your GP or healthcare provider, who will be able to explain all your options and what to expect.
Take the time you need to grieve and say goodbye. You will be offered the opportunity to speak to a counsellor during the abortion process and talking things through can help. Reading the stories from other parents who have made the same decision can be helpful too, as can journaling your own story. Write down what happened and how you felt.
You can find out more about Ministry of Health abortion services or abortion services in Aotearoa New Zealand at DECIDE.
If your abortion happened in a clinic or hospital, you can ask to take the remains home where you can bury them and return them to the land. There are different service or ceremony options you may want to consider.
Memorials and remembering
Ending a Wanted Pregnancy have a Memorial Butterfly Garden page where you can memorialise your lost pregnancy.