Ceremony and Service Options
When a baby dies, holding a service gives parents and family members the chance to say goodbye. It is the choice of the family whether a funeral service is held or not.
Commemorating your baby and remembering your loss can happen at any stage. Some parents find it helpful to celebrate anniversaries so that they feel as if their child is a continuing part of their lives and family.
Burial
If you are considering burial, many cemeteries have a dedicated area for babies. Infants can also be interred in an existing grave with a deceased relative or within an existing family plot.
Cremation
When someone is cremated their remains, or ashes, can either be buried in a cemetery or ashes memorial area, kept in an urn at home, or scattered somewhere special. Ashes may also be shared between both parents or other family members.
Miscarriage
There is no legal requirement for miscarried babies to be buried. Different hospitals will have different policies and procedures so parents wishing to take their baby’s remains home with them should make this request clearly known to all attending medical staff, before the baby leaves the mother.
Parents are able to bury their baby wherever they wish, providing it is at least one metre deep and unlikely to be disturbed. Some parents choose to dedicate an area of their garden so they can have their baby close by. Those that do not own their home may prefer to put the remains in a large pot or urn that can easily be relocated.
Memorial services
There is no right or wrong when it comes to memorial services. It is important to do what feels natural and right for you and your family. If there are no remains, such as in the event of an early miscarriage, or if a formal funeral service does not feel appropriate for your family, below are a few alternatives to a traditional funeral service.
- Fill a time capsule with memories
- Scatter seeds
- Plant a tree
- Place a plaque on a memorial bench
- Write a letter to your baby – this can be continued throughout your life
- Light a candle – this is a tradition that can be repeated on anniversaries and on significant occasions
- Gather with family on a beach, park or somewhere significant and share a poem or reading and leave flowers
- Float flowers, leaves and other natural materials on a body of water – the symbolism of floating flowers out on a body of water can be both a visual and emotional release for parents wanting to start a memorial tradition in celebration of their baby’s life.
In Eden Garden in Auckland, there is a seat dedicated to miscarriages, offering a place to sit and reflect for families that have experienced this loss. Some hospitals hold a service each year in memory of babies who have died there. You may like to check with your local hospital to see if this is something they do.
Baby Loss Awareness Week
Baby Loss Awareness Week takes place from 9th to 15th October every year, and ends with International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day on 15th October.
It is an opportunity for parents who have lost babies to acknowledge that loss, and raise awareness for Sands New Zealand.
There are sometimes local events and a memorial service where parents can come together to remember their babies.