Things to Think About When Your Parents Downsize

Start downsizing discussions early

The earlier you start the discussion of downsizing, the better. Not that you have to rush your parents to move out of their family home, but start a conversation with them early before the topic is forced upon them so that they can be engaged in the decision-making process. This can help your parents keep the feeling of still being in control of their lives.

Discussing the topic early will also help your parents, and any siblings who have grown up in the family home, to process their feelings before a move takes place.

Consider their lifestyle

Consider your parent’s lifestyle and help them to find an option that allows them to live as closely as possible to the lifestyle they enjoy. For some, this might mean living close to a park, or the beach, so they can enjoy nature even when they can’t walk far. For others, this might look like a city apartment where cafes and museums are a short walk or taxi ride away.

Your parents might have a very different lifestyle to you – remember when you are helping them move that their new home has to fit their preferences, not what you think you’d like.

Plan for the future

Future plans will look different for everyone. Some people manage to cope just fine in their own homes until they pass. Others will need some home help, or to move out completely. It is worth discussing with your parents what each step might be, and what the criteria are for a move. It also gives you a clear plan of what you will help with and when. This allows you to plan your leave from work or book travel in advance.

Your parents might have to move more than once as they age. If moves can be kept within the same retirement or aged care facility, this will minimise disruption to their lives. If you do not have plans set out now, you may find there is nothing available in the preferred area when you suddenly need space.

Set expectations

Perhaps you live six hours’ drive away from your parents, but they expect you to be there for every step of the packing and unpacking process. Perhaps you want to help your parents move, but your parents insist they can manage on their own, and you are worried they will injure themselves carrying furniture. Either way, a conversation needs to be had, where you can be clear about what support you can give and what your boundaries are.

Depending on family dynamics, it could be worth including siblings or other close relatives in this conversation.

Make it a positive experience

Relocation stress syndrome is a real thing. Sometimes called transfer trauma, this is characterised by anxiety, confusion, hopelessness and loneliness and occurs in adults after moving from a private residence to a nursing home or assisted living facility, according to research.

To help avoid this, give your parents control over decisions. Celebrate where you can. Pop a bottle of bubbles or cook a celebratory dinner after deciding on plans, or after a move. Invite friends and family over to make the new place feel like home. And be patient with your parents. Moving can be hard and your parents might grieve for their old home. Their feelings are valid and normal.

Sorting out items

This can be a very emotional process, especially if your parents are attached to lots of items.

Make sure you allow plenty of time for reminiscing and letting memories come to the surface. If there is something that has been handed down for generations or something very precious to your parents that can’t go with them into their new home, consider donating it to another family member who will love it as much as your parents do.