10 Things I Wish I Asked My Mum Before She Passed

Have meaningful conversations with your parents

Knowing what your parents would like to happen in the event of a decline in health is covered in their Advance Care Plan if they have one and how they would like their estate to be distributed will be covered in their will, if there is one. These are the practical and necessary details, however, there are so many more things you might want to discuss with your parents before they pass away.

A colleague reflected on her mother’s passing with us recently and spoke about the things she wished she had asked her. Once the funeral was over and the estate had been distributed, the out-of-town rellies went home and life was supposed to go back to ‘normal’ – that was when she felt regret in not asking her mum the more personal, more meaningful questions to find comfort within her grief and the connection to her mum.

From her own personal recommendations, our colleague has helped us to collate 10 conversation starters you can ask your parents for more personal information and memories before they pass away. Trust us, you won’t regret knowing the answers!

1. Ask your parents to write you a note, card or letter. Having your name and a personal message from your parents in their own handwriting is something that you will treasure after they are gone.
2. What was their favourite memory of your childhood? Hearing about a time in your life from their perspective can bring comfort in knowing how happy you made them.
3. What were their favourite moments of their own life? This is an excellent chance to learn more about what made your parents who they were.
4. Ask your parents for their favourite book or song. This can be something that you can listen to or read after they are gone to feel close to them.
5. Ask if there are any special items in the house and where they are. Perhaps there are ashes, medals, or special mementoes that aren’t easy to find unless you know where to look.
6. Ask them for a voice message or a video of them saying they love you. This is something you can listen to when you need the comfort of their voice.
7. What is the recipe for a favourite dish? Perhaps you want to pass this down to your own children or have a meaningful dish to cook on the anniversaries of their birthdays.
8. What do they love most about you? This is something you can draw strength from in times when you most need their comfort and support.
9. Are there any personal or sentimental items they want you or your children to have, that are not mentioned in the will?
10. What is a piece of advice for you, or your children in the future? Although they won’t be around, they can still share their wishes and wise words with you.