What to do with Ashes
Trying to decide what to do with your loved ones ashes can be a difficult decision, but you don’t have to decide right away. You can store ashes in a simple box or urn until you decide.
Find options to store someone’s ashes in our directory of keepsakes.
Storing and displaying ashes
Unless you’ve arranged otherwise, ashes received back from a crematorium or funeral home will be in a simple box ready to be scattered or interred. If you choose to keep the ashes at home, you can purchase a specially designed urn or container to store them in. Various ready-made options are available made from ceramic, wood, metal, biodegradable material and even custom 3D printed designs.
You could also opt to have something custom-made by a woodturner or potter or even make something yourself. Whatever you choose should have a sturdy base and a lid that closes firmly. Store or display your ashes away from humidity and dampness where possible.
Sharing ashes with family members
You can expect to receive around 2 – 3.5kg of cremated remains after an adult has been cremated.
If you need to move ashes into a different container, such as when dividing to share between family members, make sure you do this on a steady surface away from draughts and wind. If you’re transferring ashes into a vessel with a narrow neck, you can roll up a piece of paper or card to create a funnel, then pour or scoop ashes into the paper funnel.
Locations for the scattering or burial of ashes
If you wish to scatter or bury ashes on private property, you must have the property owners permission. Local councils have different rules around scattering of ashes in parks or public gardens. Most prohibit scattering of ashes in areas of high public use, such as sports grounds and picnic areas. Contact your council to check their specific rules and bylaws.
Some cultures have specific beliefs about scattering ashes in waterways. For example, for Māori this is culturally inappropriate, especially in places where food is gathered. It’s a good idea to speak to tangata whenua before scattering ashes in the ocean or waterways.
There are privately owned gardens that provide ash-scattering locations such as Eden Garden in Auckland. Sending ashes into space to orbit the Earth in a satellite is another option.
Scattering or burying ashes at a cemetery
Many cemeteries have Ash Plots for interring ash directly, or within an urn. Some cemeteries also have columbaria. These are walls with in-built niches for storing ashes and include space for a plaque. Your local council will have different rules and options available for interring, burying or scattering ashes. These options tend to fall into four categories:
- Attended scattering: This is where friends and family can attend and scatter ashes together in a specific location of the cemetery, often a garden or grove of trees.
- Unattended scattering:This is where cemetery staff scatter the ashes on your behalf, in a specific location of the cemetery.
- Attended ash interment: This is where you purchase a small plot where you can bury one or more urns, or sometimes directly bury the ash in the earth with friends and family. Some cemeteries have options for a plaque to be placed over the top, or a tree to be planted.
- Unattended ash interment: Performed by cemetery staff, the ashes are buried in a biodegradable urn on your behalf.
Ash memorials
Lasting memorials can be made using cremated ashes, transforming them into a special treasure. Many of these options only use a small portion of ashes, so you could try several different ways to remember your loved one or to give to friends and family as keepsakes.
Things to consider when choosing an ash memorial
Consider the price of ash memorials, especially if you are purchasing multiple keepsakes. Different memorials require different amounts of ash, consider how much ash you will be using before you make up your mind as some options are permanent, and you won’t be able to get the ash back if you change your mind.
What options are available for ash memorials?
Various options are available for memorial jewellery with ash storage. With some of these, you provide a small number of ashes to a jeweller, who seals them permanently inside a pendant or ring, while others come with a small funnel allowing you to add the ashes yourself and have the option to remove them if you choose later. You can even get your loved one’s ashes turned into a diamond.
Ashes and plant life
Ashes have a naturally high pH and sodium content, which can be damaging to some plants. If you want to grow plants where you have scattered ashes, you might like to consider these options:
- Wait. Give the ashes some time to blend with the soil before planting. Approximately 3 months is a good time
- Spread the ashes thinly, over a wider area
- Spread ashes over already-established trees or shrubs
- Bury the ashes in their urn
- Blend the ashes thoroughly with charcoal and soil before scattering or digging in
- Add an acidic compound such as sulphur to lower the pH
- Buy a purpose-made ‘ash neutralising’ agent.
Can I take ashes on a plane?
Cremated ashes can be taken on both domestic and international flights. If you’re carrying a container of ashes with your carry-on, they may be swabbed or inspected but not opened. It is a good idea to let your airline know that you’re carrying ashes with you and have a copy of the death certificate, or cremation certificate on you. Read more about how to travel with cremated ashes.
Unique memorial ideas
Ash scatter tubes are a type of small cardboard urn designed for scattering ashes in a dignified way. As they are totally biodegradable, ashes can also be buried in these tubes. You can find a variety of custom scatter tubes online or buy similar items from craft supply stores which are known as craft tubes or gift tubes.
Another way to memorialise your loved one is by connecting with a creative project yourself or alongside family and friends. It’s possible to mix a small amount of ash into poured resin, concrete, or paint to make something unique.
More creative ash memorial options include Damascus steel, which can incorporate a small number of ashes or hair, or even recycled metal items such as tools to create a plaque, pendant, knife or ring.
There is a service that allows you to get a portion of ashes made into a vinyl record that plays a special song.
What would you like to happen with your ashes?
Some people have very specific requests about where and when they wish their ashes to be scattered or buried. This could be written in a will, expressed as part of an end-of-life conversation or documented in their Go with Grace Plan. Others have no specific wishes, but you may still know what sort of setting or location feels right for them.